Forgiving the unforgivable. What does that even mean? Well, in truth, it means different things for different people, and no one is wrong. The unforgivable to one person may not seem so bad to another. This is why, when someone is hurting, the worst thing we can do is downplay their pain. That, in fact, may be unforgivable in itself.

It is scary. Who are we without our story, and better yet, who are we without trying to convince everyone else that our story is the right story? It can be exhausting, really. I will tell you my story. You will be sympathetic. I will not gain any satisfaction from having shared my story. I will tuck away the anger, in old familiar places, and seek the next unsuspecting victim to hear my tale of woe. The cycle continues. It is insanity in its most natural form. Nothing is gained from this scenario…nothing.

One day, I will wake up, realizing that there is no one left to hear my story. Maybe I will seek out new receivers, or maybe I will just seethe in this bitter brew. I cannot look forward because I’m always looking into my past. I cannot accept responsibility for anything, no thing, because I am a blamer. I carry my woes like dirty laundry, through the crowds of strangers, and no one sees me. My laundry pile covers my face, and I actually can’t really see where I’m going, not clearly anyway. I’m peaking around this pile, refusing to drop it, begging for any little sympathy I can find for this large, stinky, stained heap in my arms.

This is what grudges look like. Sometimes, when we are alone, we might drop the pile on the floor. We pick through each piece. “Why?” This is the beginning of every thought playing through our old video tapes. “Why was my mother so mean to me?” “Why didn’t dad just load us up in the car and take us away?” “Why did that kid in seventh grade make everyone hate me?” It is an endless cycle. We sometimes scream and cry the questions. We could cry it out in therapy, a retreat, or in the company of a close friend. While we may find true love and support, no one really has the truth except the person who has harmed us. And we can guess, and question, and reason, and rationalize, and compartmentalize, but the thing is – and here it is – we are HURTING. And it HURTS! And it SUCKS! And it’s PAINFUL! And it brings up ANGER! And it brings up SADNESS! And we don’t understand, and we don’t have the power to understand, and we never will….until…
we forgive the unforgivable.

It’s a decision. And it’s pretty simple on its face. “I, (say your name), choose to forgive (say their name), for (say the thing or things), and even if I don’t understand, and even if they hurt me to the core of my ever loving soul, and even if I still will want to scream it out sometimes, I don’t care. Today, right now, I am making the conscious choice, without hesitation, to forgive the unforgivable.”

The only things that are unforgivable are up to YOU. Everything is forgivable. Everything. The choice is YOURS. There is so much freedom in knowing this, following it, and doing it. Your life will unfold in ways you cannot even begin to comprehend. You will see yourself in a different light. And here’s the real treasure, the one nobody talks about. You will also see the perpetrator in a different light. Some of the “why’s” will become crystal clear to you. Then you can FEEL the forgiveness because you will have UNDERSTANDING which breeds PERSONAL POWER. So, choose to forgive in your mind first. And really let it go. When it comes up, tell the pain that you’ve decided to forgive. Say, “Pain, you had your purpose, and I love you for that, but rest now.”

I can promise you this. It works. It works and you’re worth it! You are WORTH JOY, HAPPINESS, PEACE, LOVE, FREEDOM. Forgiving the unforgivable does NOT mean tolerating bad behavior. Sometimes forgiving the unforgivable also means we have to say goodbye to someone who simply doesn’t get that they harm us. You have permission to do this. You suffering has served you, and you are now free to be.

I love you
Allyson Roberts